I have more respect for bloggers, columnist and people who write for a living for their consistency and discipline in producing materials on a regular and timely basis.
I started this blog a few weeks ago and planned to publish at least one article per week usually at the weekend as I have more free time to write and think.
7 weeks in - so far so good. Week 8 - I am struggling. Lacked any motivation on Sunday night, I assume that is the equivalent of 'hitting a wall'. Here I am at midnight, alarm set for 5am and a tough day ahead but I am trying to have a go at writing something. I will try and keep it short.
I have just had the most amazing 10 days with my kids. Spending time with them, doing stuff together - games, swimming, eating, watching TV, going on road trips, shopping. Seeing them smile, laugh, attempt to make you laugh, clown about, try to solve challenging situation on their own etc. These things makes you thankful and appreciative of all you have. It makes you value life and helps you look to the future with hope.
As a young person growing up, I don't think i knew what love was. I hope my mum won't be disappointed with this because I am sure she loves me. While I understand God's love for humans, I also understand and experienced having deep affection for another person (usually a member of the opposite gender if you ask). I can relate to respect for parents and elderly family members and kindness towards fellow humans. As a young person I was also good at looking after my siblings. However I can't wholeheartedly say I understand or get the concept of love.
I never fell madly in love. I had girlfriends that I cared passionately about to the point where it hurts. I believe having kids has changed all of that. And to think I never wanted kids.
I can remember the first time i set my eyes on my new born son. He was vulnerable, so fragile. The tough guy in me disappeared and I fell in love completely. I knew deep down that I will do anything and everything to protect him. I can't imagine he is almost a teenager today. I still love him as much as I loved him that first day. His smile melts my heart and there is nothing I want more than for him to be happy.
Not only did I not want kids, I was fearful of having a daughter. I never believed I could have the same affection for a baby daughter as I have for my son. Yes I am a neanderthal. I was in the delivery theatre when she was born. I still remember her piercing scream as if it was yesterday. Her beautiful angelic face. Today she retains all of the beauty and has added a few feminine guile to it. She doesn't know it but daddy will definitely give her anything and everything if she ever ask.
I try to be a strict dad, trying to enforce discipline despite the fact that I only see them during the holidays but the absence just makes the heart grow even fonder.
What will tomorrow bring when they are grown teenagers and adults and making their way in life? Would I still love them the way I love them now? I don't know. Friends and relatives who are parents and who have older children tell me that the feeling never goes away. While I watch them grow, I am grateful for knowing what love is through my kids.